Part I of this play appears in the December/January issue of The Walrus, on newsstands now. To view the play as one long page, please click on “Printer-friendly page” at right.
#1: Great!
#2: That’s fantastic!
#3: Super!
ED: Wow, uh...
LEW: No Speckle Lake.
#2: Great. Wonderful. I could just kiss you, Ed.
#1: Oh, God, me too!
#3: Thanks, Ed, really, thanks.
ED: You bet.
LEW: Now, if you’ll excuse us...
FLACKS: Oh, sure! Have a good show! Thanks again!
SOUND: Out they go.
LEW: That’d be your state-sponsored censorship, right there.
ED: Uh huh.
LEW: Apparently your father-in-law and the Prime Minister played competitive badminton together at Upper Canada College.
ED: Really? Wow.
LEW: Yeah, in nineteen-aught-six or something.
ED: Wow.
LEW: The old boys’ network. Jesus.
ED: Yeah. Lew? What’s Speckle Lake?
LEW: It was all over the paper this morning. Jesus, Ed, don’t you—. Well, never mind then. Don’t bring it up. Forget the whole thing.
ED: Okay, only...
LEW: Like I need this. Next time, he can call an election from a friggin’ abandoned Zellers somewhere.
ED: Yeah...
LEW: Talk to Donna, okay? Today. She deserves it. We all do.
ED: Uh, okay. I will. I promise, uh—
LEW: Great. Door.
ED: You bet.
SOUND: Ed leaves, shutting the door.
SCENE FIVE
LEW: (over the studio speaker) Ed Callahan, meet the Prime Minister.
ED: Nice to meet you, your, uh...
PM: Ed Callahan! Great to meet you. I’m a big fan!
ED: That’s right, your, uh, your people said you liked the show, and...
PM: I love it! Nobody’s got their finger on the pulse like you! You should come work for me.
ED: Oh, geez, I, uh... Okay: I’m just gonna put on these headphones so I can talk to the, uh, the, in there where all those people are...
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